My rant about Father's Day

My rant about Father's Day

Three years ago, I saw something disturbing and that is Hallmark made Father’s Day cards for Mother’s. I am not kidding about that, I post one of them on this post. These cards are mainly for Black mothers, they clearly don’t have a problem with it because I haven’t seen any news report where they're outraged with Hallmark for making these cards. Not only that they take Father's day off from work the nerve. So, let me get this straight you want to be honored for not picking the right man to be your kid's father and screwing up your community? That’s what you're doing! 

I don’t get it why do women associate themselves with guy things? If a Caucasian women get tattoos she’s called a biker chick, but when a Black woman gets them, she's still considered a queen no matter what she does. How many times do I have to tell you ladies you can’t be both a Mother and a Father to your kids, it’s not possible because doing that ruins your image as a mother. Mothers are suppose to be loving and Fathers are suppose to be stern. I'm not saying mothers can't be stern, but you don't want to come off as masculine. When you do your son won't see you as a lady. If you don't want to be in a domestic violence situation with your son or want your son to turn his back on you, I would tread lightly when it comes to that. 

Also, mothers can't give their sons confirmation that their becoming men, the only thing they can do (besides giving him responsibilities.) is raise them to be the type of men they and other women would date. Sadly, American women are terrible at that because they don't value character. We all know nine times out of ten women want a man that's in shape and has money. How many of you are getting your sons memberships to the YMCA and books on economics instead of buying him Jordan's? If your son's father is a bum or criminal then you have no business telling him to be nice to women because that didn't turn you on. How do you expect your son to be the kind of man that he doesn't see and you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole if his father is not like that? Look at the stats 78% of men that are in jail are from a single-parent household. It doesn't matter if these kids are born in poverty or not money doesn't substitute parents. You know what having kids without a man around should be considered child neglect, I mean it’s not fair that kids have to grow up with no father around. 

Who's going to warn your son about the disadvantages he's going to have for being a man, heck being raised in a single-parent household is a disadvantage. I mean how are mothers going to help their sons with guys' stuff if they can't or won't do those things? For example, If I ask boys to build something out of Legos or create a map in Halo, I bet you nine times out of ten they will have a hard time with that. Also, they will pick up on feminine features, for example, how do you expect your son to take out the trash if you think it's disgusting? Also, whenever your son shows signs of masculinity you frown upon it. For example, how many men don't like the idea of having a gun in the house because of their mother? Since we're on the subject of guns how do single mothers expect to protect their kids if they don't want to carry any weapons? 

I have mixed feelings about my father not being in my life, on one hand, I wish he was around and on the other hand, I'm kind of glad he isn't. What's the point of having a father if our competitive nature will come between us? This is why boys and men are more rebellious because we are not followers. For the most part, we follow not because we trust who's in charge, it's because we can't overthrow who's in charge. Fathers are not excluded from this; domestic violence wouldn't exist if that wasn't the case. If you are not OK with your son turning his back on your or leaving you for dead, then we have to do a better job finding a middle ground.       

Also, I'm having a hard time resolving my differences with my mother, I will have a harder time with him because like I said fathers are stern. I understand fathers represent structure and discipline however that shouldn't be the only impression we have of them. Fathers have to reinsure that their sons still matter to them even when they are mad or disappointed with them. How can I show compassion for my fellow man if my father can't do that for me? 

This is a problem I have with my rageaholic uncle he's such a hothead to the point where I don't want to be around him. I don't expect him to put up my father's slack however he has the same responsibility as far as reinforcing the family structure. For example, both the father and uncle greet the mom with hugs and kisses, but they do it for different reasons. The father does it to show you how to treat your wife when you get married, when the uncle does it, he's showing you what loving siblings should look like. I don't recall my uncle being chummy with my mom, if he was, he didn't do it enough.  

How can I see my father as a hero, want to play catch with him, go fishing or to a football game if I don't trust him or am ashamed to be his son? Despite making a big deal about fathers there's no guarantee that things will be better for your kids if he's around. To parents who have more than one child do they all turn out the same? If the answer is no, then that's my point. Another example I've seen and heard stories of Pastor's daughters and church women having eyes for the type of boys or men who are nothing like their father. Don't get me started on girls who grow up catholic. If my father gives me the birds and bees talk, I won't be able to take him seriously because he's getting his needs met so he lost his credibility with me. 

We don't need single mothers to discredit fathers we do a fine job of that ourselves. I mean we don't reinforce or value what fathers represent. Look and Caucasian people for example, they don't take responsibility for all the crap they put Black people through during and after slavery. Does that sound like they had fathers in their lives? Hulk Hogan's son was arrested for reckless driving and Hulk Hogan beg the court to show his son mercy. If I was him, I would tell his son you made your bed you lie in it. What's the point of fathers giving kids structure and discipline if they're not consistent about it or the kids don't internalize it? Whenever a man abuses his power or gets in trouble with the law, how often do you hear them say I was wrong and I accept the consequences for my actions? I'm grateful that we don't live in a time where you have to do dangerous things to prove your manhood, like hunting or fighting a battle. Don't get me wrong I know that's considered a rite of passage however you can't have it both ways. You can't put your son in a dangerous situation and act like you have a bleeding heart when he suffers PTSD from it.        

The relationship between the mother and her son can be sick without the father. Mothers will view their sons in ways she views a husband, as far as expecting their sons to take care and protect their mothers. Doing that will put her son in a position where he oversteps his boundaries as a son and the mother will overstep his boundaries as a mother. I'm not saying sons shouldn't take care of their mothers however there should be a limit. For example, I told my mother if I become famous don't expect me to buy you a new house, car or move you to a nice arena. I might buy her a bag of skittles if I'm generous. This isn't about me not loving my mom I want to move on with my life I can't do that if I'm worried about every little problem she has. It's not my fault my mother doesn't have a retirement plan or a 401k so why should it be my burden? Another thing mothers do that can hurt the relationship between father and son is putting him in his father's shadow. 

As far as stepfathers go, Men need to stop discouraging each other from wanting to be stepfathers. I know being a stepfather comes with a lot of baggage but there is something that no one is considering. Would you rather someone take care of a woman's bastard kids instead of your tax dollars? I don't think single mothers who are widows should deal with the stigma of being single mothers because they didn't ask to be single mothers. Being a stepfather would have been better if the man that the mother is seeing wins the kids over, the mother talks to her kids about the man she's seeing becoming a father figure in his life and reinsure them that he won't come between them. 

My point is kids will have a better chance at reach their full potential if both parents are around. The media knows this without the father boys become a handful and looking for a sense of identity. We see that in Star Wars, Batman Begins, the recent Spider-Man films and T2. Because of that boys and men from single-parent homes won't be respected by those who have both parents because they can't compete with them. Also, why should we feel sorry for single mothers for choosing to be single? I hear single mothers complaining about how hard it is to do everything on their own, again why should we feel sorry for you? Last I checked there are many forms of birth control for women so what's the problem? You made your bed now sleep in it. Another thing if you keep the father away from his kids and your kids are giving you grief don't come crying to me or anyone else for that matter. I see that as karma what made you think you can remove the man from the family and not expect anything in return?  

Sadly, fathers don’t get honored as much as mothers. The only reason women have this I raise my kids by myself mentality is that they got assists. You don't hear single fathers talking about how they have to be a mother to their daughters because we can't and we don't want to be that. I bet they would stop having that mindset if we lived in a primitive society where you have to hunt for food because no woman wants to do that. If you didn't pick the right guy to be a father, then at least get him into sports or sent him to boarding school. A coach can help fill that void to a degree. You know what I’m going to give you one reason why kids must be around their father that reason is the family tree, I mean how can a child know or learn about him or herself if kids don’t know their family history? How can someone know their history if they don’t know their family? Love is another reason, men love differently than women. 

The bottom line is being a single parent doesn't give you an advantage, kids need their fathers just as much as their mothers.