My top 10 movies that shouldn't exist

 My top 10 movies that shouldn't exist 

Intro: In case you're wondering, no, the Barbie movie didn't inspire me to do this list, but it did add fuel to the fire. Spoiler alert that movie is not on this list, sorry to disappoint. The hardest thing about doing this list is trying not to be obvious with it. I mean, I didn't want it to be full of sequels, remakes and true stories. I wanted at least one movie from different time periods, but that was a tall order. Speaking of time periods, the 90s gave us plenty of movies that have no business being greenlit. That decade gave us Baby Geniuses, Air Bud, Cop and a Half and Cat and Dog. (That movie came out in 2001, but who cares?) The movies I picked reinforce what I've been saying for years, that is Hollywood has money to burn even with a pandemic and a writer's strike. If that's the case, then where is the sequel to Dredd and Power Rangers?   

No.10 Megan: I want to ask Hollywood something, do you think the next Batman movie will make money if Scarface was the villain? If the answer is no, then why do you keep making movies about killer dolls!?! Seriously what's with Hollywood's obsession with scaring kids? This movie wasn't better than the Child's Play remake we got not too long ago, so what was the point of this movie? If this movie tried to be a parody of the horror genre it failed because the movie was trying to have it both ways. Heck, Small Soldiers is a better horror comedy than this. Megan is an empty vessel; besides saying a few funny things, she's not creepy or scary. 

It's hard to care about the girl and her aunt because she's either oblivious to what the doll is doing or in denial. As far as the aunt goes, she's not the best parental figure for her. The climate in this movie is ridiculous! The only thing this movie has to offer is a social commentary on grief and relying on technology too much, but the movie doesn't add nunice to it. This movie only deals with anger and denial. The fact that this movie is getting a sequel reinforces what I said earlier about having money to burn. If you want to see a good Horror comedy, watch Scream.       

No. 9 Star Wars The Clone Wars: Whether you love or hate this series, you can't deny that this movie didn’t do it any justice. It’s bad enough that the story is lame, but how it was told makes it worse. What really bugs me about this movie is it has the nerve to make us care about Jabba and his son. News flash, he’s a bad guy! I don't mind the idea of heroes and villains helping each other; the problem is the execution. You also don't care about Anakin's buddy cop dynamic with his Padawan Ahsoka because they don't bond. The events in this movie have no payoff for the rest of the series, which makes watching this film pointless. Plus, this movie has the same problems as the prequels; as far as stiff characters, dull acting, and plot holes. Out of all the episodes that were produced during this time, what made Mr. Lucas think these episodes were the best? If he wanted a Clone Wars movie, he should have adapted the story from the 2002 Clone Wars game because that story is better than this. This should have been a TV special instead of a movie. 

No.8 Cocaine Bear: Remember all those ridiculous movies from the 90s I mentioned before; this one should join them. What makes this worse is that Hollywood is talking about making a Cocaine Shark movie. WHY!?! The Sharknado films weren't enough? Just like most of the movies that are based on a true story, this one is not accurate. Yes! There was a bear doing cocaine, but the bear didn't kill people. Plus, the bear died from a cocaine overdose. I wish the creator would pick a different bear because Black bears are not meat eaters. The movie got me to laugh a few times, but that's it. Snakes on the Plane is more suspenseful than this. You really have to suspend your disbelief with this movie. I wouldn't mind this movie if it was a comedy, but it doesn't feel like it. This should have been a direct-to-video release.  

No.7 The Bourne Legacy: This movie was a failed attempt to expand the series beyond Jason Bourne. This franchise should have stayed a trilogy, but you know Hollywood can't leave well enough alone. What made the first three movies work is that it focus on a man with memory loss. When you remove that, you have nothing. Really, that concept can get old fast, which is what hurt the last movie. It's hard to be interested in or care about Aaron Cross because we don't know anything about him or anyone else in this movie. Putting him in Jason Bourne's shadow didn't help the movie either. This movie could have been about Aaron breaking away from his conditioning and he testified to the grunt work he did for this agency. Doing that would make up for how Bourne Ultimatum ended. I wouldn't have minded this if it was an episode of a TV series. That's the direction this studio should have taken. 

No.6 Good Burger: I can't believe out of all the skits from All That, Good Burger is the only one good enough to get a movie. I mean, if none of the shorts from In Living Color got a movie, what made Hollywood think that this was a good idea? Heck, the sequel wasn't good enough to be released in theaters. Since this was a short, that wasn't enough for it to be an hour and a half long movie. The short is about Ed working at Good Burger and taking people's orders literally. You can't have a movie that long with Ed doing that because that can get old fast. This is what hurt the Three Stooges movie and the recent Tom and Jerry movie. Speaking of that, Ed didn't make that running joke work the way Grover from Sesame Street did or Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy. Nickelodeon should have made a Kenan & Kel movie instead of this because that would've fared better. Heck, this makes me want to give a backhanded compliment to Adam Sandler. At least he tried different concepts with his films.    

        

No.5 Avatar: The Way of Water: OK, it's bad enough that we're getting a sequel, but turning this into a film series really? Seriously, just because a movie makes a lot of money doesn't always mean you should make a sequel. For a movie that was a hit, it didn't make much impact on pop culture. This is a sequel that screams lazy! The reason why I call this sequel lazy is because it feels like Mr. Cameron is pulling random ideas out of his butt and putting them on screen. In this movie, we are introduced to an underwater group of the natives of Pandora. This wouldn't have bothered me if they were mentioned in the last film. What's the third movie going to be about, fire benders, I mean lava natives? 

Some of the characters that died in the last movie are brought back in a way that makes no sense. ( You know that's a pet peeve of mine.) How and why are the Navi allowing the humans on their planet after everything that happened in the last movie? Some of them are here because they want revenge, idiots!!! The movie does have interesting things but they don't get much focus. People have been waiting thirteen years to return to Pandora and this is the best you can do? Shame on you, Mr. Cameron!   

       

No.4 Selma: The fact that this movie exists makes my blood bowl! Not because it wasn't accurate, it's because the late MLK Jr. meant little to nothing to most people. If that's not true, then why have we done a terrible job of honoring what he stood for? Why do we make fun of people who have his mindset? We gave this man a legacy just to spit on his grave; WOW! To be fair, he's kind of an overrated figure. How smart do you have to be to want the same thing he wants, as far as being treated fairly? I already proven that segregation is not completely a bad thing and I don't agree with violence is not the answer mentality. 

I know what he was trying to be, but as a man and a father, you have to show strength; you can't do that by being passive-aggressive. That's what bugs me about him, you can't say you shouldn't be violent and not teach us how not to be that way. Has he written any books on conflict resolution? I heard some disparaging things about him, like he didn't finish college and he copied the I Have a Dream speech. If those things are true, then why aren't we talking about that? The next time we get a movie about this man, it should be an indie film done by Monks. 

No.3 Barney's Great Adventure The Movie: Considering all the hate this character has got what made Hollywood think giving him his own movie is a good idea? Not only that they want to bring this IP back. Why!?! This is one of those movies that failed to live up to the title. Most of this movie takes place on a farm. What's so adventurous about that and them finding an egg? Baby Bop and B.J. shouldn't be in the movie if they don't serve a purpose. The movie Breaking the Fourth Wall is unnecessary. This movie is an overextended filler episode. The movie wants to be about imagination but the writers failed to fully embrace that theme in the story. 

The kids in this movie are a bit old to be in a movie like this. This leads to the next problem with the movie and that's Cody. Cody is either eleven or twelve so he's a bit old to be indulging in Barney's imagination. This movie could have been better if it took place at summer camp. Cody is six or eight he's sent there to get his mind off of a family member who's ill but he has no interest in having fun. So Barney shows up and helps get him out of his funk. Originally, they were suppose to get the egg back to the mother. This movie could have been better with my suggestions. If there's any preschool show that should get a movie it's Blue's Clues.       

No.2 The Emoji Movie: Talking animals and toys is one thing, but talking emojis really? Why not make a movie about talking stickers, that's what emojis are digital stickers. That's the problem with this movie why tell a story about it's OK to be different with symbols that stick with one expression? I'm surprised that this movie didn't make a Botox joke. Speaking of jokes the jokes in this movie are so predictable. This movie has no shame when it comes to product placements. If I was Patrick Stewart I would be embarrassed that I was in this movie. The stakes in this movie are ridiculous fixing or erasing your phone shouldn't affect the emojis unless Alex doesn't want to use them. Emojis are not needed to communicate they are there to add cuteness to text messages. This movie could have been salvageable if the human characters spoke different languages so they use emojis to communicate. What about Native Americans they use symbols to communicate. I know I'm beating a dead horse but that doesn't change the fact that this shouldn't been greenlit.           

No.1 Cats: You couldn't wait for the Avatar sequel, that you have to give us this. For those of you who don't know this movie is based on a musical that's based on a book of collected poetry. The play is 90% spectacle and 10% story. The play is about a group of cats competing at the Jellicle Ball where one of them is chosen to be sacrificed and reincarnated. The musical doesn't have a main character but it does have four principal characters. The movie doesn't do this musical any justice. It tried to build off the story by giving us a main character and a villain kind of. The spectacle in the movie is a joke. The CGI in this movie is off-putting why not use make-up? Don't get me started on the cat puns. I don't know who this movie is for it's not for fans for reasons I already explain. It's not for kids because of the famous part In the memory song. The cast also bugs me not because this is a bad cast however movies like this should be reserved for people who do musicals. I feel bad for bad-mouthing this movie because the people behind put heart into it. This was made with the intent to win Oscars but that didn't happen. This movie could have faired better if it was animated.