My rant about therapist
Intro: In case you're wondering, no! This isn't about my grievances with therapist or thinking that therapy is not beneficial. This post is about their credibility and the pedestal people put them on. Also, there is something else about them that people are either overlooking or didn't think about. I wanted to talk about this sooner, but the topic has become complex. I'll elaborate on that later. Plus, I don't know how much of this profession has changed from its inception to now. I can't verify the changes because I don't know a lot of people who have seen a therapist, even if I did, they can't tell me because of confidentiality. I was going to save this for my overview of the pandemic, but this subject deserves its own post.
For those of you who have never been to therapy, therapists are people who are licensed in mental health. They listen and help their clients with their problems like communication, behavior, trauma, soul searching, relationships, etc. Basically, they are the voice of reason, someone who is mutual to both sides of the argument. I can't believe people treat therapists like miracle workers. I mean, if you have any problems, the solution is to see a therapist. Society exaggerates on how helpful they are; some people had therapy for years and got nothing out of it. I know building trust takes time, especially when you two are talking about things that you would normally talk about with friends and family. However, where does the line draw? Would you spend a lot of money on something with no results for years?
Another downside to seeing a therapist for years is that feelings will develop on the woman's and children's end. I'll get back to that later. Also, we don't need them to be our voice of reason; we have friends and family members who can do that. Then again, not everyone has someone to talk to. We might not have this problem if we didn't alienate each other. Once again, I'm getting ahead of myself. The fact that you're telling people to see a therapist tells me that you don't care about the person being in distress, or you don't know how to help him or her. Plus, it doesn't take a genius to know that if someone is mad at you for no reason, that person is looking for trouble, or it's a cry for help.
For the most part, people know what their issues are why do you think they don't like talking about certain things, like their childhood? Speaking of childhood, that's almost a pointless thing to talk about because, first of all, you're opening up a can of worms. I mean, they have to look at why your parents, peers, school, and neighbors treat you the way they did? Then they have to talk to their parents, and the next, and the next. Second, you're giving your client someone to blame for their problems instead of working past it. I know you have to acknowledge the past to heal or move on from it, but keep it in the past.
Look, I'm not trying to discredit this profession, but there are limits to therapy. There are some things that you can't fix just by talking it out, like procrastination. If you do procrastinate, you have to figure out do you have a discipline problem or a desire problem? If the doctor told you you'll have diabetes tomorrow if you don't start working out and eating healthy, would you do it? If the answer is yes, then you have a desire problem. Now, if you have a discipline problem, then you need a drill sergeant to light a fire up your butt. If you're on the spectrum or have a personality disorder, therapy can't do much about that because that's the cause of genetics and your environment. They can't fix your genes, but they could do something about the environment. I'll get into that later. All they can do is prescribe medication and help you manage to live with those things.
Another thing they can't help you erase the pain of losing a loved one or a traumatic event; you have to live with that pain. It's just like breaking a plate; you can crazy glue it back together, but the cracks are still there. Also, your mind can play tricks on you; look at nostalgia, for example. There is a line between memory and imagination; nostalgia plays on that line. This is what bugs me about the Mandela effect because you can use that to gaslight anyone. Your mind can struggle with the conscious and subconscious mind. If you study neuroscience, you know what I'm talking about.
I get annoyed when I hear someone say F your feelings. Don't get me wrong, I get the sentiment; however, it doesn't make it less disingenuous. Everything we do is based on emotions or intuition, and we justify why we feel this way later. Why do you think some people have a hard time explaining why they like or dislike certain foods, clothes, jobs, colors, and jokes? Also, they don't know why they have fetishes, phobias, and why women keep getting with the wrong guy? Look, I'm not saying you can't come up with or have a good reason why you feel a certain way about certain things; however, that's not enough to win others over. We would all be on one accord instead of having wars and segregation if that were the case. Also, it's foolish to argue with people about things they feel strongly about, like sexuality, religion, and politics.
Here's one of the many gripes I have with therapy that is paying for it. No! It's not because I'm cheap, it's that I don't like the idea of anyone making money off of my misery, especially if I don't know how long the process will last. The fact that I have to do that damages your credibility with anything you say to me. I heard someone say the reason why he wants to be a therapist is so that he won't be on the receiving end of the conversation. If you really want to help people, you shouldn't expect anything in return. Even if you did identify what's bothering someone, it's ultimately up to the patient to fix that problem. This is how we fix the money problem if you are not making progress with your patient in three years, your pay should be reduced to 5 or 10%.
If you don't think coaches should take credit for a player having raw talent, then therapists shouldn't get credit either, especially if you're not going to be by the person's side every day. Really, they should be writing books on how we can do the basic therapeutic stuff without relying on them all the time. I'm not saying that they don't, it's just that therapists don't have clout with the general public. The only therapist we know about ( besides Jack Daniels) is Dr. Phil. Don't worry, I'll talk about that idiot later.
Another reason why I frown upon paying for therapy is the double standard. I mean, I have to pay someone to help me acknowledge what's wrong with me, but it's illegal to pay women to relieve me of my blue balls. Help me understand this Twilight Zone nonsense. This is why I don't take society making a big deal about mental health seriously. You don't think not having a sex life affects men's mental health? If you want people to talk about their issues, therapy needs more diversity. I would be outraged to have a White therapist because White people play a role in why Black people are so messed up.
Also, it needs more men because most of the therapists are women in the U.S. Mostly, women benefit from this institution because they love to talk. I'm sorry that's not a fair statement because no one is talking about their addiction to attention and social media as far as I know. To be fair, I can understand why anyone can be addicted to social media. We have to view attention as currency. People want to get noticed, and social media has made it easy for people to notice them. Most people won't be successful if they didn't get the attention of the right people. They can't help them with their love life because women are stubborn about their standards for men. I would respect that if they didn't give men backhanded compliments.
If a man has a female therapist, that's going to create conflict because men and women are different. Men are not going to take what you have to say seriously because it will cause more harm than good, regardless of whether or not you're Dr. Smith. (She wrote the book called Men on Strike.) I also heard stories of when a female therapist is counseling a couple, she takes the woman's side. This is an issue because therapists are not suppose to take sides, and this doesn't encourage the couple to come back. I will say this to them they need to be mindful of the influence they have on the couple. For example, when a couple fight and one of them keep bringing up what the therapist said, that could cause more harm than good. I'm not saying couples counseling isn't helpful; however, no one likes a third wheel.
The thing people seem to overlook is how dangerous they can be. Look at the Batman villain Scarecrow; he specializes in phobias; instead of helping people overcome them, he preys on them. They can also play mind games with you by using reverse psychology and gaslighting you. To be fair, a lot of people are guilty of gaslighting in subtle ways, and you can't be the voice of reason without resorting to doing that to some degree. Therapists may not come up with psychological warfare, but they play a role in how the Police, FBI, and CIA torture, I mean, interrogate people. (Dr. John E. Ried is one of them.) Also, am I the only one uncomfortable with hypnotherapy and ECT? Also, they're not that trustworthy. I mean, confidentiality goes out the window if you're involved in a crime or terrorist attack. Confessing a crime to them will open up a can of worms.
The fact that I can't talk to them about hurting someone or killing myself is a deal-breaker. I say that because there are some things you can't resolve without resorting to violence. Going back to procrastination, I can't see how that can be fixed without having a difficult taskmaster cracking a whip at you to get things done. Do you think what happened at the Capitol would have happened if the guards were armed to the teeth? What about someone being testy about trespassing on your property? Do you think you can get your point across by telling them to get off my property or fire a warning shot at them?
This makes me wonder how you counsel victims of rape, abuse, and kidnapping? You tell them that it's not their fault that this happens to them, giving them the impression that life is too uncertain to know what could happen. If that's the case, then why is talking about wanting to hurt someone excluded from that? Just because you don't know what could happen, that doesn't mean you should throw caught to the wind, would you drive a car with no airbags?
So, I can think about hurting someone as long as I don't act on it, but I can't talk to a therapist about it. How does that work? I already talked about suicide, so I'm not going to repeat myself. If you want my trust, you have to tell me an embarrassing story about yourself. Also, therapist needs to own up to their mistakes. For example, the late Dr. Wertham blames comic books for why kids are acting up. That's enough to make you look bad, I mean, know what you're talking about. Also, they get upset when someone argues that depression is not the cause of a chemical imbalance in the brain. They just learn that ADHD plays a role in addiction. This makes us question how can you treat addiction if you're still learning about it?
I want to talk about addiction real quick. Therapists are inconsistent about that as well. I mean, you can't say addiction is a mental illness and then say that anyone could develop an addiction to something. It's either one or the other. Step two of the twelve-step program needs to be changed because not everyone believes or wants to believe in GOD. You don't think that's the reason why 40-60% of people relapse? Also, getting people to believe in GOD at a low point in their lives is something a cult would do.
If I was running a rehab, I would get the parent involved in the process because everything starts at home. I'm not going to waste my time getting your child better just for him or her to relapse because you don't know what role you play in this. Parents do things to hurt their children unintentionally. For example, if you correct your kids too often, don't be surprised when they procrastinate. They do that because they don't think they can do anything right. So correct them on things that matter.
I'm surprised no one pointed out that telling kids life isn't fair is damaging to them because you don't know how they will interpret it. Really, it makes parents look manipulative because they say that when it's convenient, not because parents believe life isn't fair. If they did, they wouldn't complain about anything. This causes a lot of problems between me and my mother. Whenever something messes up happens to me, my response for not telling her is Life isn't fair, remember?
My point is this; if your child has a substance abuse problem, you can't rest on your morals. If you want your child to get better, you have to be a better parent that mean figuring out what role you play in him or her having this issue. Plus, coming to terms with the fact that the child you lost to substance abuse, you're not getting him or her back.
To the people who put therapists on a pedestal, why didn't you go to them after everything that happened when the pandemic started, instead of letting those things rob you of your joy and sanity? To be fair, we had problems before the pandemic, like people projecting their anger and fears onto each other. We wouldn't have wars, xenophobia, the MeToo movement, people in power being greedy, and White people screwing Black people over if that wasn't the case. Do I have to explain the domino effect that these things create?
People have become more thin skin in the past five years, maybe longer, to the point where they can't handle someone disliking their videos online. Dr. Haidt talked about how society is making kids fragile. I don't disagree with that; however, almost everyone is fragile about something. That's why we have rules, vote for certain people or surround ourselves with like-minded people to maintain our bubble. It's hard to fix this problem if we don't know where to draw the line.
We use therapy to alienate each other by saying you need therapy. Am I the only one who finds this insulting? If being flawed is part of the human condition, then who are you to tell me what I need? Most people don't know themself as far as why they like or dislike certain people, places, and things. Heck, you don't know why you turned out the way you did physically and mentally. You can use statistics and biology as an argument as to why you are the way you are, but how do you know that applies to you? My point is, if everyone is screwed up, then no one is. Granted! Certain behaviors are frowned upon in society, but it doesn't matter if we trivialize them. If your attitude is that it's not a big deal that someone experienced the ugly side of life, then we shouldn't make a big deal out of it when we see it on the news. (Heck, we shouldn't broadcast it.) Also, how people carry themselves is either beyond our understanding or beyond the person's control.
Everything that has happened before and after the pandemic makes therapists look bad. I mean, how do you help people cope when they get scared and angry? Heck, Star Wars tells you nothing good comes out of having those emotions, so why are you giving into them? Another thing that makes them look bad is the mass shootings. I mean, whenever it happens, you say the shooter struggles with mental illness. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm getting sick of that excuse because you're giving them an out. Also, you make people feel uneasy being around them. How many mass shootings do we need to say that the shooters are evil? If that's not evil, I don't know what is. I'm sorry I shouldn't vilify people who have mental problems, but I don't understand how they can get access to firearms.
This leads to the elephant in the room when it comes to therapy because there are so many of them, it's hard to choose. They have the same credibility as social workers, relationship experts, and money gurus. I mean, if you were good at fixing the problem, you would be out of a job. What makes this worse is that they're not on one accord on certain things, like they're discussing how long should you wait to be romantically involved with your client after the fact? Women are more likely to develop feelings for the therapist than men because they're more talkative. I understand why this is frowned upon because the therapist will look like they're grooming the client. The solution to this problem is this get therapists who are unattractive and old enough to be the client's parents.
Speaking of parents, children will view the therapist as a parental figure. Now I can't think of any way around that. Another thing therapists are competing with influencers. Influencers also face credibility I'm going to use monks as an example. Let's say they give advice on how to find common ground with other people, but they isolate themselves from the world and live with like-minded people. It doesn't matter how sound your advice is if you don't practice what you preach; people won't take you seriously.
Dr. Phil could have done something about the many voices on mental health. Really, he shouldn't have Doctor in the title of his name because A he hasn't practiced psychology in over thirty years, and B he either lost or gave up his license in 2006. I don't watch the Dr. Phil show. When I do, I can't take him seriously because he offers little to no therapeutic services to his guests. When he does it's overshadowed by him trying to be entertainment. That's why he takes sides, berates his guest, shows off his ego, and gives his famous what were you thinking line. When ABC called him out for doing more harm than good, his response was to change the channel. Are you kidding me!?! You claim to be a psychologist, which means you have a responsibility to the people in this profession. That should come before you becoming the next Mr. Ed. If you're going to do a disservice to this profession, then you shouldn't be called Doctor.
If I were Dr. Phil, I would run this show the way Dr. OZ runs his show, as far as making people aware of mental illness, addictions, manipulative people, the shadow self, and what we can do about them? Heck, have a different therapist host the show, and if people like him or her, then that person should get their own show. If therapists really want to help people, they should get involved in politics, as far as being the advisors of political figures. Really, they should be the gatekeepers of the positions of power. What's the point of having a therapist in law enforcement, school, and the government if they can't spot people who will cause trouble?
If someone wants to be in a position of power psychiatric evaluation is not enough; you need to use reverse psychology to expose them. Here's an example, ladies, if you see a man who's out of shape but you see him going to the gym trying to get in shape, would you want him to approach you? If the answer is no, then you're not wife material. If you won't be by a man's side at his worst, then you don't deserve him at his best. Also, you can have them do exercises to test their conviction. Naruto has done this.
People who want to be parents also need to be evaluated because their upbringing plays a role in the problems we have; you wouldn't be asking about their childhood if that wasn't the case. If they don't like that, then don't bring your kids to therapy if they become a victim of rape, abuse, and kidnapping. If you want to be a single mother, you should at least read a book called Strong Mothers and Strong Sons by Dr. Meg.
Overall, therapy is overrated, and therapists need to be more proactive.